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i hate my life, i hate myself, and everyone hates me except for my dog

by Snow Day

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1.
Lucky 02:40
Sitting on a bench downtown alone in a sea of faces Wish I could change my luck around but, oh God how I have changed I had plans, could have gone real far but I lack the motivation So here I sit an anxious wreck drugged up on medication I don't dream anymore I can't even fall asleep It seems I've lost the ability And I can't take anymore Without a penny to my name I am the new American shame Slaving away my weeks and days, I was blindsided by the future Spent a fortune on education and I should have realized sooner Positive thinking won't pay the rent but I consider myself lucky At least I got two dead end jobs and my dog still loves a fuck like me! I don't dream anymore I can't even fall asleep It seems I've lost the ability And I can't take anymore Without a penny to my name I am the new American shame Wake me up, I need to breathe! I wanna feel, I want to dream I've felt so numb, it's been so long Just 'cause it's normal, doesn't mean it's not wrong! I don't dream anymore I can't even fall asleep It seems I've lost the ability And I can't take anymore Without a penny to my name I am the new American shame
2.
Caffeine 04:00
Hey doc, I can't pinpoint the exact moment I broke But lately things have seemed to spiral out of control My friends are dealing with their own shit, my family all moved away I don't want to talk to them, I don't want them to worry Hey doc, I can't sleep at night, I lie awake and wonder why Staring at the ceiling, my eyes open wide I used to smoke pot to fall asleep, my job took that away from me At least there's still melatonin and alcohol Don't think that I'm pathetic, please don't think of me that way I'm running out of things to lose, I'm just trying to find my way My hands begin to shake, my head begins to sway Maybe 'cause caffeine makes me sick, but I drink it anyway Anyway All my family moved away, Jackie says her's did too She said you got to make your own, that's what I'm trying to do I know there are people who love me, I'm not really sure why I'm selfish! I'm trying to be better, I hope they know that I try Oh God I hope they know I try Don't think that I'm pathetic, please don't think of me that way I'm running out of things to lose, I'm just trying to find my way My hands begin to shake, my head begins to sway Maybe 'cause caffeine makes me sick, but I drink it anyway Anyway I'm sorry you lost your friend, I'm sorry you lost your mom I'm sorry you lost your dog, I'm sorry you lost your job I'm sorry you hate your job, I'm sorry that rent's so high I'm sorry you hate yourself, I'm sorry you hate your life I'm sorry I fucked it up, I'm sorry I fucked it up I'm sorry I fucked it up, I'm sorry I fucked up I fucked up Don't think that I'm pathetic, please don't think of me that way I'm running out of things to lose, I'm just trying to find my way My hands begin to shake, my head begins to sway Maybe 'cause caffeine makes me sick, but I drink it anyway
3.
Alone 03:25
Don't get too close, I don't wanna hurt you I know better than most the dangers of trust It'll feel like I'm close, and then I'll desert you So here's a toast to a lifetime alone And we just can't help ourselves But we just can't seem to commit Maybe I'm afraid of the pain myself 'Cause what doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch So we lie and kid ourselves That we're better off on our own Drowning in our complacency We settle for a lifetime alone A lifetime alone Let's hope for the best, that we never cross paths again You can heal your heart, I can rest my mind I think that's the best, if we never speak again And I can start to live my own life And we just can't help ourselves But we just can't seem to commit Maybe I'm afraid of the pain myself 'Cause what doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch So we lie and kid ourselves That we're better off on our own Drowning in our complacency We settle for a lifetime alone A lifetime alone I wish I never met you... I wish I never met you I WISH I NEVER MET YOU IT HURTS SO MUCH TO LEAVE
4.
It's mid October now A prominent chill hangs in the air We're loading up my van now Packing up the rest of the gear Driving two hours south Sunflowers along the edge of the road A dead raccoon further down Life's about accepting both And we'll cross that line Reach the city of Rutland My sense overwhelm me Memories come rushing back An unexplainable urge to see you, to taste you The relief to finally be back It's been so long, it's been too long I've missed your savory smell I can't stand what you do to me honestly But I can't live without you dear Taco Bell! And we'll cross that line Leave the city of Rutland Until next time, Going to Rutland

about

I first envisioned the idea for this EP about four years ago. I had been going through a really rough time- my family had all recently moved out of state, my band kicked me out, and I felt trapped in a toxic relationship. I was experiencing feelings of hopelessness and self hate and the only one who was there for me during that time was my terrier Delilah.

Lyrically, these songs depict the struggles of everyday life that my generation experiences all too often. Graduating college only to land a minimum wage dead end job, living with depression and anxiety, and finding closure in trauma.

credits

released May 8, 2020

Songs written by Meghan Burke
Recorded and mixed at Robot Dog Studio by Ryan Cohen
Violin on "Lucky" written and performed by Nelson Rock
Violin recorded at BluVudu Productions by John Bradley
Album artwork by Tyler Jackson
Cover design by Brian LaClair
Copyright (c) 2020

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Snow Day Burlington, Vermont

A mediocre singer-songwriter masquerading as a punk.

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